User:The quidnunc kid

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And I was all like "yeah" and they were all like "uh-huh" and I was all like "yeah" and they were all like "right".

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My Translation of Dante's Inferno into Nine Limericks
By T Q kid, esq.

I

In Limbo, the good pagans sigh
And forever - redemption's not nigh!
'Cause they never knew Jesus
They’re condemned: this, God pleases
Though I'm fucked if I understand why.

II

The lustful are blown to-and-fro:
Their fornication has cast them below.
Paul and Franny cry: "Pity!
For our fate's really shitty!
Still – we had some great sex, don’t ya know."

III

A Florentine gent called Ciacco
A vast appetite had no lack-o!
So now he's in Hell
Where the gluttonous dwell
While Cerberus feasts on his back-o.

IV

The hoarders and spendthrifts are found
In the fourth circle: deep underground
Just like Sisyphus, they
Push their rocks 'round all day
Seems their financial plans were unsound.

V

What of those who love punching and biting?
The wrathful! No end to their fighting!
They're in Acheron’s marsh
That wet prison’s quite harsh!
And it doesn't have adequate lighting.

VI

And the Heretics – how do they cope?
For they burn within tombs, without hope.
If you misread your Bible,
To that Hell you are liable –
Why, there’s even a couple of Popes!

VII

It seems stupid that God can’t abide
The sodomites or suicides.
If he loves us so well
Why cast these folks in Hell?
One just hopes that the scriptures have lied.

VIII

I describe now (if you’re not too bored!)
The eighth circle, which punishes fraud.
Where the flatterers sit
In a river of shit!
Such crude humour doth pleaseth the Lord.

IX

It's a cold day in Hell, and austere
Where poor Judas – for year after year
Is chewed up by Satan
Must be real irritatin'!
Come on Virgil – let’s piss off from here!